Ah, fall—time for cozy sweaters, pumpkin-flavored everything, and endless advice on how to relax. But if you’re anything like me, “relaxing” doesn’t come easy. Between work, life, and a brain that constantly runs on a rickety hamster wheel you want me to do what? The idea of unplugging sounds nice… until you realize you’ve forgotten how and you’re just not that good at it.
And that’s what we’re going to talk about today. Not the usual self-care stuff—this is about the deeper work. The workaholic, brain-too-busy-to-slow-down, tired-of-the-bullshit version of self-care. Let’s dig in.
The Busy Brain Problem
My brain goes. It’s busy. Like, never-stops-moving kind of busy. And while I think this is a great thing, sometimes it causes problems. For example, when you forget to eat or put on deodorant for days. Or, and this is a fun one, when you realize after five days that the reason you feel so strange is because you ran out of Adderall. Oops.
I like to call it a “high-functioning brain”—not in some clinical, science-y way, but in an energetic, can’t-sit-still kind of way. What is relaxing for me, is work to someone else.
What I enjoy most is researching and writing. Continuously learning and putting the puzzle of my life together. Of course, growing up, all the adults in my life discouraged me from making “my passion” a career. Because, you know, I wouldn’t make much money doing it.
At the time I was convinced that building a corporate career was the way to go. I decided to buy in full force, pouring my happy little high functioning brain into a topic that could make me money. And guess what? It worked. But I hadn’t yet done the hard work.
What did work even mean to me? What was I working for?
Leashing the Neurodivergent Brain
Boredom is torture. Doing boring things is worse than almost anything I can imagine. Except maybe making phone calls—that’s a whole different level of dread.
The neurodivergent brain, particularly in people with ADHD, is wired to seek stimulation and novelty. This makes it really hard to engage in things that feel mundane or repetitive or pointless.
Scientifically this is all explained by dopamine production and neurotransmitters. But basically it’s been proven that people with dopamine issues find it hard to focus on uninteresting tasks. This leads to the behaviors of procrastination and seeking distraction. Working in a corporate setting requires leashing of your brain. It requires focus and attention.
You see, a lot of neurodivergent traits aren’t really “office-friendly.” So what do we do? We mask. We pretend to care about the stuff that sucks the soul out of us. And it’s exhausting. We go out on that stage every day and we give the performance of our lives! And then we come home and crash.
Hard Question: Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?
Work doesn’t have to be hard to be valuable. The whole story-line: go to school, get a 9-5 job, take care of a house, have some kids and pets, go to bed at 10pm to get enough sleep to function and then wake up to do it all over again? And again? That story-line is tired and beyond boring.
I raise my hand at my job, again and again, to take on the impossible tasks. Not because I get paid more or rewarded in any way. It’s just because I like to prove to myself that I can do it. And that just seems absurd.
It’s a special blend of nonsense, really.
Why not give the good energy to the things I love, and give just the proper amount of energy to things I feel obligated to do well?
Final Thoughts: Redefining Work
How do we redefine what work means in our life? Once we find those answers, we can make intentional choices toward work that fulfills us.
Shouldn’t your work fill you up, instead of drain you dry?
This fall, maybe self-care isn’t about unplugging. Maybe it’s about plugging into what actually matters.
Self-Reflection Questions:
- Is your version of relaxing actually just another form of work? How can you truly disconnect in a way that feels restorative?
- Are you pouring your energy into tasks that align with your passions, or simply tasks you feel obligated to complete?
- What absurdities in your daily routine are draining your time and focus? How can you start letting go of them?
- Are you masking your true self at work or in other areas of your life? What would happen if you let your authentic self lead the way?
- What would it look like to redefine “work” so that it fuels your creativity and well-being, rather than depleting you?