Ever wonder why you suddenly feel the need to buy those trendy shoes everyone at the PTA meeting is wearing? Or why your mood takes a nosedive after a 10-minute chat with Jerky Jane from work?
Social psychology has some eye-opening answers for you. Spoiler alert: It’s not just because you’re highly suggestible (though we all are, more than we’d like to admit).
Social psychology is the scientific study of how our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are shaped by the presence of others—whether they’re physically there, imagined, or just popping into your head on impulse like uninvited guests. Let’s break it down, because once you see how deep the influence runs, you might start questioning how much control you actually have over your own decisions. (Hint: Maybe not as much as you think.)
The Actual Presence of Others: When You Can’t Escape the Influence
Think about the last time you went to a social event. You didn’t really want to go, but all your friends were buzzing about it, so you gave in. Now fast forward to that moment when someone suggests playing a game you’re not particularly fond of—like charades, for example. You don’t want to participate, but no one else objects. Since everyone else seems to be on board, you shrug and join in. Congratulations, you’ve just fallen victim to groupthink.
Groupthink is that sneaky little phenomenon where we suppress our individual preferences to keep peace in a group. This happens all the time. Imagine you’re at a holiday party, and someone suggests karaoke. You hate singing in public, but everyone else seems excited (or at least pretends to be), so instead of voicing your opposition, you nod along. Later, you’re up there butchering “Pour Some Sugar on Me” and wondering how you got roped into this.
Now, you’re not just a participant, you’re part of the herd.
The Imagined Presence: The Committee Living in Your Head
Even when people aren’t physically there, they still manage to crash your decision-making process. How? With the imagined presence. Let’s say you’re shopping for a new outfit and hear that little voice in your head: “Would my friend Judgey Jane approve of this?”—and just like that, you’re making choices based on someone who isn’t even there.
This imagined presence is like your own personal peanut gallery, always lurking in your thoughts, influencing you as if they’re right there, judging your every move. We picture our bosses watching us, our friends commenting, our partners reacting, even though none of them are around. It’s like we have a built-in committee of critics—lucky us, right?
The Impulsive Influence: Cognitive Biases Running the Show
Then there’s the impulsive influence of others, which isn’t just about random memories of people but also about how deeply others’ behaviors have shaped your internal biases. Cognitive biases, those mental shortcuts your brain takes to make life easier (and sometimes more confusing), are prime examples of how we are influenced without even realizing it.
Take confirmation bias, for example: You’re scrolling through social media, and every post you see agrees with your current worldview because the algorithm knows exactly what to show you. This bias leads you to believe that everyone thinks like you, which reinforces your beliefs without you ever questioning them. The presence of “others” (in this case, filtered social media friends) is subtly shaping your thoughts, nudging you into complacency.
Or consider the bandwagon effect, where you impulsively decide to adopt a belief or behavior just because a majority of people seem to be doing it. Ever suddenly found yourself drinking a matcha latte despite never having liked green tea? You didn’t wake up one day loving matcha; it was the countless influencers sipping them on Instagram that convinced your brain it was worth trying. This happens all the time with diet trends, political opinions, and even fashion choices.
These biases form because, evolutionarily speaking, it was often easier and safer to go along with the crowd. But today, in a world full of individualistic values, they can sometimes lead us to choices that don’t truly align with who we are.
So, Who’s Really in Control?
Here’s where it gets existential. Most of us like to believe that we’re making choices based on our own values, desires, and preferences—that we’re the masters of our own fate. But social psychology raises the uncomfortable truth that much of our thinking is deeply influenced by others, even when they’re not present or directly interacting with us.
From an existentialist perspective, this is where things get tricky. Existentialism argues that we are responsible for creating meaning in our lives—we make the choices, and those choices define us. But how can we authentically choose when we’re constantly being shaped by external forces, both seen and unseen? Social psychology throws a wrench into the existentialist notion of radical freedom by showing us just how much we are tethered to others, whether through direct influence or the quiet echoes of their imagined approval.
Yet, there’s hope. If existentialism teaches us that we must create our own meaning, social psychology gives us the tools to recognize the influences at play, and with that awareness, we can begin to disentangle ourselves. We can choose to question the forces at work—the groupthink, the biases, the imagined expectations—and carve out space for authentic decision-making.
The real freedom here isn’t in escaping influence (because good luck with that), but in being aware of it. By questioning why we do what we do, who we’re trying to please, and what’s really driving our actions, we take a step closer to existential freedom. Because at the end of the day, the only real way to know if a choice is yours is to ask yourself, Am I doing this for me, or for the approval of others, whether they’re present, imagined, or impulsive?
And hey, if you still want those trendy shoes, at least now you’ll know why.