Long time no type on blog. I’ve been a busy bee. So much going on “IRL” that I haven’t had the opportunity to study or write. And life feels a bit dimmer when I don’t have time for quality solitude. But tonight I feel all portals open and can’t find a notebook…so going to free type like I promised myself I would when I started this blog, and mid-way through, and again now. I tend to narrate or write to educate or invoke thought. Typing feels more “formal” than writing by hand. So what happens is my brain starts auto-correcting. Spending time away from writing has been extremely productive.
Let’s see…I made some big decisions, moved houses, felt like the world was about to end…and more!
One big decision I made was that I truly need to focus on what I love to write about. I need to stop trying to create something that is of value to, or appeals to, others. I want to create what I create just to create. If it resonates with someone else inadvertantly, all the better. So books. Books have been the ultimate passion that has remained steady throughout my life. As a child I imagined many worlds through books and I learned a lot of information that isn’t just provided to you through normal methods. As a young adult I was inspired by books, by authors, by the use of language to impart understanding and human connection. As an adult I used books as a defense mechanism. Instead of engaging in my “real life” I would put my nose in a book whenever there was a chance that I could start having original thoughts. I didn’t want my own original thought, because I knew the answer would be that I was miserable and avoiding responsibility for changing my life. So I have this whole theme around reading and writing all the greats and sharing with others. Narrowing down my focus is essential.
I MOVED HOUSES. Oh my gosh. If I could find the notebooks readily from the last times I moved houses I would love to compare. I am pretty bad at dramatic change. I get paralyzed, feeling like I’m going to somehow walk into something I cannot handle. Getting out of that house. A house that never felt like a home…was monumental. I’m still in the process, but the weight from my shoulders has been lifted. And during the process I kept ahold of my shiz. For the most part. I’m constantly learning new things about myself. I packed as if I was creating an escape room game for a child’s party in the theme of treasure hunt. And somehow I’m not that mad about it. The treasure hunt is actually quite amusing.
Next focus–day job. I do not like working in a capitalistic society. I do not like it, robotic I am. This become clearer every day. And I’m the only one who can change it. So. This is the next brick to break. Coming soon.
And the world ending? I’m going to make this long story kinda long…so begin reading at your discretion. Tik Tok is this “new” app (new to oldies like me). I had downloaded it a few times to watch funny cat videos but always deleted it. I felt strongly about not having it on my phone because I knew it would distract me. I had no idea how deep it could go in distracting me. And now I’ve been learning new things and able to communicate with people who free think. Anyway, there is a section of Tik Tok that thinks the world is ending on April 8th. Which is just a few days away. Now I don’t usually buy into this kind of thing, but the videos I get are detailed and many are very scientific. So I was freaked out for a minute…like, April 8th is not enough time! And then I thought, time for what? If the end of the world was really April 8th, what would I do between now and then?
**Spend a girls night with my daughter
**Buy my son his dream motorcycle and then go for a ride on the back of it with him
**Spend a regular evening with my guy. Literally every evening we spend together is perfect. I would squeeze him tight and kiss his face more than proper. “
**Spend time with my guy and his girls. My guy and his family. Call my Mom and my aunt and chat about cats and housework.
First thoughts were of spending time with the people I love. What a good reminder. What the near death experience I had taught me (and all this “world ending” talk reminded me) is that the only thing that matters is love. All the other things…especially work and sleeping and cleaning and laundry…if the world ends, if I die, on a random Monday….none of those things matters. Perspective is important.
Now I also started thinking of a much longer list. Like…I want to read every Stephen King book, in order, and connect themes to existential concepts. I want to talk about the books I love with others….
So. Love. Focus on love in all areas of my life. #goals