When philosophers talk about embracing the present it seems simple. Obviously we live in the present. Right? Right??
Be in the Present Moment. Be.
But how many people truly live in the present moment? For me, as I suspect most of us, I tend to have anxiety about the future and fear of the past for the future. I remembered that I need to stay grounded, focus internally…but society makes it really hard to stay in that energy. For me, work/money/consumerism takes over most of my time. And that’s a sure way to stay out of the present moment if you don’t enjoy what you are spending time on.
I have only-child syndrome type 1. In my experience only children either need a significant amount of alone time or hate being alone. I am the former. I need time to ground myself and recharge. Like, a lot of time.
But…Distractions…
The world we live in is one distraction after another. I’ve built a life that feels ever hectic. But I’ve been doing the self-work and I planned a writing retreat for myself. I took 4 days away from work and family, stayed in a small farm cabin, having my only focus on rest, reflection, learning and writing. It was a beautiful experience.
Right before I left for my trip I was feeling a lot of emotions. Feeling like I was “taking a time out” of adulting, feeling selfish, feeling broken. Existential dread, basically. Or mid-life crisis if we want to call it that. My mid-life crisis didn’t demand that I go out and buy a fancy car, or dye my hair (well, actually…), or sing on Broadway. My mid-life crisis was like–you know what you want to do. Why aren’t you doing it? Good question.
Anyway, in my burnout haze of feeling unworthy, I was hesitant to take time away from the responsibilities I had created for myself. I considered cancelling, but it felt incredibly important to spend that time in solitude.
Words of Wisdom
The day before I left, I posted a question in a chat thread that I follow. This particular thread came upon me by accident (or the algorithim gods brought it to me). The group is overall positive and I find genuine, authentic conversation here at times. On a whim I posted a short, unedited post.
I said something basic like…Does anyone have words of wisdom for me? I’m feeling anxious and uncertain and paralyzed by fear.
I wasn’t expecting much, just wanted to feel connected. But I got beautiful responses. Beautiful thought seeds.
Don’t be Distracted by Duality
Several responders immediately went after the “I’m afraid to make a bad choice” portion of my question. And rightly so. As a student of existentialism I have studied and researched the dichotomy of good versus bad. Hell, I don’t even believe in a universal definition of good or bad.
These online strangers reminded me that you can’t know if a decision is good or if it is bad until you act. And then, the only true definition of the “rightness” of the action is your own.
They also pointed out that we, as humans, base our perspective of good/bad on past experiences. And assured me that there is value in working through past trauma and letting go of pent up memories, thoughts and feelings.
And finally I was able to get some responses from fellow skeptics…”What is right?” “What is the truth?” “What is the point.” Appreciate these folks. I bet many of them are also lovers of Nietzsche.
My favorite quote from this segment of responders was: “You are writing your story now.” Which I believe, naturlich.
What are Thoughts Anyway?
And speaking of favorite philosophers, another group of responders seemed to gravitate toward Descartes theories in their words of wisdom to me.
One quote: “Gather all your worries up and give them to me if you don’t want them. Go ahead. I’ll wait.”
Worries aren’t real. They are illusions. Thoughts aren’t real, we only need to observe them and learn from them. The overarching fear in life is that we don’t know the why and we don’t know the when. Being out of control is a fear that many of us have at the root of our fear ecosystems.
Then I had the responders that pointed out that not even time is real. Which is a fun topic but not great for a mid-life crisis freak-out.
And the best response. The most simple but the most complex…”Let it be.”
Sharing Through Creative Writing
And if I was giving prizes…there is one poster who would win. Their response impacted me because it made me think. I want to share the entire poem with you (bold/italics are my own emphasis, not the authors).
“Go sleep in the park.
All your problems are of your own making.
They come from the belief that there is a you,
And that you are in control of who that is,
Or what they do.
It’s the delusion of control that poisons you.
Not that which you desire control over.
Let go,
And wander.
To learn new things,
We must experience new things.
Walk.
Deliberately.
Into the Metaphorical Fire.
Breathe.
I shall feel no evil.
For the whole doth walk alongside me.
Let go,
And wander.
To learn new things,
We must experience new things.
Walk.
Deliberately.
Into the Methaphorical Fire.
Breathe.
I shall feel no evil.
For the whole doth walk alongside me.
Just keep walking.
Just keep breathing.
Just keep seeing.
Just keep going.
Do not attach your sense of self to your thoughts.
Should your thoughts fall apart,
You don’t want your self falling apart too.
This brings us to the only question that matters.
Once answered. You will know what all the great masters knew.
Who am I?
Who are you?
What’s the difference?
This is why every great master since the beginning of time has given the same advice.
That being said.
Less is more.
More is less.
That being said.
Overcoming that paralyzation is the whole thing.
After that, words come like ChatGPT.
You’ll even have to give credit to chat GPT so people don’t think you are crazy…
Shrooms are a godsend.
CBT works too.
Pick your poison.
The hope is to lower adrenaline in the brain.
The sensitivity of the fight or flight response.
And the building of new connections of association.
Neurons that wire together, fire together.
As they are so fond of saying.
Because it’s true.
We think we are the neurons.
In reality.
We’re the fucking wiring.
That being said.
It’s as hard as you believe it needs to be in order to deserve what’s coming.
I think it’s been hard enough.”
I read through this beautifully worded message so many times. Thank you to the now deleted account that posted this and inspired me and helped me think beyond my comfort zone.