The Perfect Wife: Donna Reed, Lisa, and a Side of WTF
So, let’s talk about this thing I’ve been mulling over lately—the whole “wife” gig. Roles we place on ourselves, or better yet, roles we’ve been handed like a bad script. And here’s the kicker: I have what some would call “daddy issues.” Yeah, we all do. Mommy issues too. It’s what happens when you create a whole person and give them complex beings for parents. The human condition, right?
I could go on all day about the ways that society crafts these roles, but the fascinating part, for me, is that often we do it to ourselves. I’m getting married. In like 102 days. I did the wife role before and quite frankly I feel like I was bad at it. But this time I’m all aflutter. I want to be the best wife. Not because my guy wants some Stepford wife, inexplicably he adores my chaos; but because I want for him to have the best. Love is weird like this. I’m like…he deserves everything…
Anyway, I grew up watching Nick at Nite. Not sure if that’s still a thing? But back then, I was glued to all the old shows—the kind with perfectly coiffed moms and dads who came home to roast dinners. One of my absolute favorites was The Donna Reed Show. I mean, Donna Reed had this vibe. She made the whole wife-and-mom thing look like a walk in the park. Just breezing through life, wearing pearls and heels while vacuuming. I remember thinking, “I want to be that lady. I could be that lady!”
Fast forward to 2024, and… nope. Not happening. I failed once before at wifery. Trying to hold myself up to some ideal that isn’t even relevant anymore. Donna Reed didn’t work. She didn’t have the internet. Her kids were at school. Of course she was happy. She had so much time to herself!
Wives today? We’re lucky if we have time to breathe between juggling jobs, housework, and figuring out what’s for dinner—because Uber Eats again would be “lazy.” A lot has happened since the 1950s. Baggage, people. We’ve got bags upon bags, and they’re heavy. I don’t think even Donna Reed could keep smiling like that in 2024. She’d probably be on her third glass of wine by 6 PM.
But I digress. So, this morning, Facebook’s algorithm really outdid itself. I saw this meme in a group called “What the Fuckery,” and let me tell you, the title does not disappoint. The meme? Oh, it was a doozy. There’s this woman holding up a list titled, “Lisa’s Daily Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.” (Lisa, honey, are you okay?)
The List:
- Wake up at 5:00 AM to prepare breakfast for your husband. (Freshly brewed coffee, eggs, bacon, toast. Because of course.)
- Hit the gym from 6:00 to 7:00 AM. No excuses.
- Clean the entire house by 9:30 AM, and don’t forget the laundry!
- Have lunch ready for hubby by 12:00 PM.
- Dinner must be on the table at 6:30 PM sharp.
- Snacks for the husband and his friends whenever they ask. (Homemade. Obviously.)
- Make sure the house is a zen zone by 9:00 PM for his relaxation.
- Go to bed at 10:00 PM, but only after making sure everything’s prepped for tomorrow.
P.S. Smile no matter how tired you are. You know, because being a wife means keeping the household stress-free!
I nearly broke out in a sweat reading this. I mean, seriously—who came up with this list? Her husband? Her pastor? Her mom? Or was this self-inflicted—an attempt to live up to some outdated, impossible standard of the “perfect wife”? Could be any of those, really. And let’s not even start on the smiling while doing it all.
Here’s the thing: I still kind of want to be Donna Reed. But—and it’s a big but—I want to be the modern version. I want the idea of Donna, without the creepy 1950s Stepford expectations. I think it was her happy vibe all along. She was in love with her life.
Lisa’s list of expectations? Girl, that’s how we ended up in this capitalist hamster wheel we’re all running on, trying to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect employee… like it’s some prize at the end of this nonsense. (Spoiler alert: there’s no prize.)
So, I’ve decided to rewrite the list for Lisa. You’re welcome, Lisa. From 10 goals to 2. Winning!
Lisa’s New and Improved List for Being a Better Wife:
- Assess your definition of wife, Lisa. If someone–anyone–is trying to change you as a person, control your life, your time, or your snacks? It’s the relationship that’s the problem. Deal with this first.
- If you feel like you need a list to become a better wife for other reasons (like your own silly brain), now you need to assess your definition of yourself. To be a better wife all you have to do is be a better Lisa.
Because here’s the truth: these thoughts about being “perfect”? They’re exhausting. You want to be a better wife, mom, partner, whatever? Start by not trying to live up to these impossible, outdated ideals. Start by being you. Because at the end of the day, that’s the person you’re most married to. And that’s the person who’s showing up for life—whether or not she made homemade bacon at 5:30 in the morning. (How does one make homemade bacon? Did she have to do the whole thing from pen to table?! LISA!!!)
Some comments from “What The Fuck Is This” Page…
The post has over 800 comments, but I picked a few to highlight. I like to make guesses about the commenters.
Jenny: “No demands for sexy time?”
Jenny is good at reading comprehension and poses a valid point. If her spouse wrote this, where is the sexy time request? It does seem to be glaringly missing from this plan.
Jenni: “Thankfully normal people don’t live in religious cults. Whew!”.
Jenni, I suspect, has some religious trauma she is working through. She won’t get sucked into the old roles.
Heather: “No way is the house getting cleaned in 2 hours.”
And Chris…somehow not concerned for his safety in this group, “it is if you do it every day like you’re supposed to.”
Heather might be a mess, like myself. I see you girl! She makes a valid point.
Chris: Might be lonely. Or a know-it-all. But he’s harmless and just wants to chat with people.
Kyle: “ya’ll are so happy to bend over backwards for your boss but not for your man.”
I hope Kyle didn’t have a wife that cheated on him with her boss. And I hope he realizes that if his wife has a job she gets paid to “bend over backwards” for her boss. You’ll find your person Kyle. Hold on.
Steve: “Those hating this have done far more humiliating things for free drinks at the bar.”
Steve seems like a miserable type. I don’t think he likes women much. He could use a wilderness retreat.
Colleen: “I find nothing wrong with this, so long as she isn’t working. I did all that and more when I was a SAHM. Now that I work, I do that on my days off, and he does it on the days I work.”
Colleen is rational. She is not judgmental. She has a happy partnership.
Justanother: “Don’t worry, even if you do all that, he’ll still fuck around and throw it all away and you’ll end up broken and ruined for any future partner.”
JA: This once made me wince. Justanother has been hurt. Hang in there…there really are good partners out there!
Frank: “Lisa’s a keeper! I’d settle for the homemade snacks and the smiles.”
Frank likes to add some levity. He is appreciative of Lisa for trying to be better, for whatever reason, but also telling her that her man shouldn’t really care about all that jazz.
Tracy: “Lisa needs a drink.”
Tracy is a supportive friend. And she is right.