We’re all looking for a life that feels authentically ours—not the life that others told us would make us happy. But how the hell do we get actually there? Here’s a slightly radical idea, but one more and more people are embracing: maybe it’s time to set your inherited value system on fire.
Nietzsche, the philosopher who devoted much of his life to the notion of self-discovery, would have been first in line for that fire. He believed that each individual must find their own path, unencumbered by societal expectations or hand-me-down beliefs. As he once succinctly said, “Become who you are.” Simple words with profound impact. Nietzsche knew that blindly following inherited values can lead to a life half-lived, constrained by expectations that have nothing to do with our real desires.
Why Inherited Beliefs Might Be Holding You Back
Inherited beliefs are like a script we’ve been handed without an audition, just told to act our part. Think about it: we grow up absorbing messages about religion, family roles, money, and success. Maybe you were taught that a traditional family structure is the only path to happiness, or that your worth lies in your productivity. These beliefs are woven into us from a young age, often without our consent or even our conscious awareness. And while some may serve us, others feel like ill-fitting clothes—uncomfortable, restrictive, and, frankly, outdated.
Nietzsche would argue that following these beliefs without question is a surefire way to lose oneself. He warned against living as part of the “herd,” where we adopt values out of convenience rather than conviction. To Nietzsche, freedom lies in questioning everything, even the beliefs we hold sacred, and only keeping what truly resonates. “The individual,” he wrote, “has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.”
The Liberation of Letting Go
Imagine you’re standing in front of a bonfire with all your old values written on scraps of paper. You toss them in—rules about success, what it means to be “good enough,” family expectations—and watch as they go up in flames. There’s something exhilarating, almost rebellious, in destroying these relics. This act of letting go is an act of self-respect. Nietzsche might call it “self-overcoming,” a necessary destruction before you can create something new.
But here’s where fear creeps in. What if these old values are all that anchor us? What if, without them, we lose our sense of purpose, or worse, face judgment from those who still cling to those ideals? Here’s the thing: growth isn’t about staying comfortable. It’s about shedding skins that no longer fit. While letting go may cause temporary disorientation, it’s the only way to step into our own truth.
Rebuilding: Choosing Values That Feel Like Home
Once the smoke clears, it’s time to build your own foundation. But don’t rush this part. It’s okay to sit in the empty space for a bit, explore, and figure out who you are without all the labels. Nietzsche believed that creating one’s own values was a powerful step toward self-fulfillment, urging us to adopt only those values that genuinely resonate with our “will to power”—a drive to live authentically and intentionally.
Here are three steps to start rebuilding:
- Define Your Core Values: Sit down with a journal and write out what truly matters to you—not what you think should matter, but what makes your heart light up. Words like integrity, compassion, creativity—choose what feels right for you.
- Experiment with New Beliefs: Try on new beliefs like clothes, without committing too soon. Maybe you explore a different approach to relationships or decide that financial security is less important than creative freedom. Nietzsche himself embraced this trial-and-error mindset, believing that we learn by doing and then deciding what aligns with who we are.
- Embrace Change as Growth: Know that your values might shift over time. Nietzsche saw life as a constant state of becoming, and our values are not meant to be static. Instead of fearing these shifts, welcome them as signs of growth.
Facing Common Fears
Destroying your old values can be terrifying, especially if they’re tied to family traditions, cultural expectations, or religious beliefs. We worry about backlash, isolation, or feeling unmoored. But Nietzsche would remind us that true individuality is only possible when we step beyond the boundaries set by others. He spoke about “the courage to make a clean sweep” and encouraged people to venture into new territory, even if it meant standing alone.
Addressing these fears starts by acknowledging them. Yes, it’s hard to defy expectations and possibly disappoint others. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to let go of beliefs that have long served as a compass. But as you release these beliefs, you begin to find a deeper compass—one driven by your own experiences, values, and dreams.
Reflection Exercise
To help you start this journey, here’s a short exercise:
- List Your Inherited Beliefs: Write down beliefs you’ve adopted from family, society, or religion—anything that feels like it wasn’t originally yours. It could be a rule about success, an idea of what relationships “should” look like, or beliefs about self-worth.
- Evaluate Each Belief: For each belief, ask yourself: Does this align with who I am now? Does this belief serve my happiness or limit my growth?
- Decide Which Beliefs to Keep or Release: Circle the beliefs that resonate and cross out those that don’t. The ones you cross out are candidates for the fire—metaphorically speaking, of course.