9.5
My body and mind are banding together to tell me to slow down again. Two hours of sleep amidst a migraine–it’s becoming all too familiar. I feel depleted, sluggish, like I can’t possibly adult today. I’m not cut out for this job, this pressure. My body and mind have been telling me this for so long, yet I keep pushing forward. When will I finally listen?
The hours I spend on work feel endless, draining me day by day. I’m working so many hours toward something that feels utterly meaningless. It’s becoming harder to find reasons to continue. The weight of this work hangs over me, and I know deep down it’s not sustainable.
After a terrible morning of trying to adult and do life, I realized that neither my body nor my brain was going to cooperate today. I must have come down with something–emotional and physically ick. I feel disconnected from everything.
In other news, I still hate working in corporate America. People are so wrapped up in themselves and in problems that don’t even need to be problems. It’s exhausting to witness; to be a part of. Why do I keep doing it? It’s like I’m stuck in this capitalistic, consumerist hamster wheel, and I need to find a way out. I know I’m listening to my body and making small changes, but it’s time to figure out how to leave this life behind. Balance is what I crave, and I have to find it.