9.8.24
Today was a bit of a battle to pull myself together. The past few days felt like one long depression hibernation. It’s like my mind and body are on strike, protesting the way I’ve been handling things. They’re fed up, and I get it. I am, too.
Writing, though, has been my lifeline. It calms me, gives me a sense of control. The more I pour onto the page, the more I can soothe the chaos in my head. It’s like I’m cramming the noise into a corner and replacing it with something better.
I slept in this morning and had pancakes—my guy made them. There’s something about waking up and seeing him that just makes everything feel right. That little glimmer of happiness lights up in my brain. It’s like my day gets the green light. “I’m okay, things are okay, and I can move forward.” When I wake up alone, that feeling comes, but it takes a little longer. I need to give myself that same spark, even when he’s not around. Maybe I need to rethink my morning routine—again. I was really enjoying my outside meditation before I let work and stress push it aside. Time for a course correction.
After breakfast, I dove into research and knocked out a few articles. That felt good. Being productive usually helps when my mind is on edge. I also cleaned up the kitchen today—finally. There was a two-month-old pineapple that had turned black. I thought it was going to be some disgusting mess, but when I picked it up, it was completely hollow. Where did all the juice go? Weird.
That’s one area down, but the rest of the house still needs work. I’ve been avoiding it, and I know why. I take these small problems and let them grow into monsters. It’s part ADHD and part this strange feeling that nothing is permanent, so why bother fixing it? I left a peach in the microwave months ago, and my daughter said flies came pouring out when she tried to use it. My son “fixed” the problem by running the microwave, so now I’m left with the horrifying thought of fried flies. And no, I haven’t opened it yet. Honestly, I’m not sure I even need a microwave.
I think simplicity might be the answer. I have too many things, and they’re just weighing me down. How can I start cutting out the non-essential and getting back to what really matters?
Tomorrow is Monday. I’m going to wake up, kiss my guy, and take control of the day. It’s time to reset and start moving forward again.