Jacob’s Ladder is an interesting concept. Strip the religiousness away and it makes a great metaphor for personal growth.
Personal growth doesn’t look like some clean, orderly ladder where you climb rung after rung, leaving your past behind to a happily ever after. Nope. It’s more like a spiral staircase where you keep circling back. You are growing, but not in a neat, linear fashion. Each time you come across a challenge, you now have a little more awareness, a little more resilience, and hopefully a little more self-compassion.
The Spiral of Relationships: Been Here Before, Haven’t We?
Let’s get real: have you ever had that same argument in every romantic relationship? You know, that one issue that just won’t quit. Maybe it’s about communication—or the lack of it. Maybe it’s about trust or emotional availability. Either way, you’re sitting there, mid-argument, thinking, “Wait, I’ve been here before.”
It doesn’t stop there. That same theme starts showing up in your friendships, too. Suddenly, you’re noticing that your best friend and your partner both hit the same nerve. And—surprise—your family’s triggering that same issue!
Welcome to the spiral of growth, where the universe gently (or sometimes not-so-gently) nudges you back to the same life lesson until you’ve nailed it. The good news? Each time it comes around, you’re better prepared. The bad news? Well, it’s likely going to be back again.
Let’s say you struggle with boundaries. In your romantic relationships, you’re the one who’s always giving a little too much and then feeling resentful when you don’t get the same in return. You promise yourself, “Never again,” only to find the same boundary issues pop up in your friendships. Cue the frustration. But instead of getting mad at yourself for still not having this whole boundaries thing figured out, what if you recognized that you’re spiraling upwards?
Each time this challenge reappears, you handle it a little better. You communicate more clearly, you stand your ground (even if it feels awkward), and you stop trying to please everyone. That’s spiral growth in action.
Psychology’s View: Emotional Intelligence & Spiral Growth
In the world of psychology, emotional intelligence plays a big role in this idea of spiraling growth. It’s all about recognizing, understanding, and managing your own emotions while navigating the emotions of others. And just like with everything else, emotional intelligence is developed in spirals.
At first, you might find yourself reacting instinctively to stressful situations. Maybe you lash out when you feel criticized, or maybe you shut down when you feel overwhelmed. But over time, as you circle back to these emotional triggers, you start to catch yourself. You pause, reflect, and respond differently. You’re not perfect, but you’ve grown—emotionally and mentally. Daniel Goleman, the “father of emotional intelligence,” says it best: “What really matters for success, character, happiness, and lifelong achievements is a definite set of emotional skills—your EQ—not just purely cognitive abilities.”
So, as you revisit old emotional patterns in your relationships or work environments, notice how your emotional responses have evolved. That’s emotional intelligence, spiraling upward with you.
The Power of Resilience: Learning to Bounce Back
Let’s talk about resilience, because if there’s one thing that helps you survive the spiral, it’s this. Resilience is your ability to bounce back from challenges, to get up when life knocks you down. It’s not about avoiding hardship—it’s about handling it with grace, learning from it, and continuing on your upward spiral.
Resilience isn’t something you’re born with; it’s something you build through experience. And the more you face those recurring life lessons, the more resilient you become. You learn to trust yourself, knowing that even if the same issue comes around again, you’ve got the strength to handle it.
Psychologist Susan Kobasa highlights that resilience has three components: challenge, commitment, and control. By seeing life’s struggles as challenges rather than threats, staying committed to your own growth, and recognizing what you can control, you build resilience—one spiral at a time.
The key here is self-compassion. When you revisit an old challenge, instead of saying, “Why did’t I learn the last time??” try saying, “Let’s do this. Ready to try this again.”
Positive Psychology & Spiral Growth: Focusing on Strengths
Positive psychology has its own take on spiraling growth. Instead of obsessing over what’s going wrong, positive psychology encourages us to focus on our strengths and well-being. It’s about what’s right with us, not what’s wrong. When you face a recurring challenge, positive psychology invites you to ask, “How can I apply my strengths to this situation?”
For example, if one of your strengths is empathy, how can you use that to resolve an ongoing conflict in your relationships? If resilience is one of your strong suits, how can you approach a career setback with confidence? Positive psychology sees these spirals not as failures, but as opportunities to leverage your strengths in new ways.
As Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, said: “Psychology is not just the study of disease, weakness, and damage; it is also the study of strength and virtue. Treatment is not just fixing what is broken; it is nurturing what is best within us.”
Call to Action: Recognize Your Own Spirals of Growth
Now that you’re spiraling with a bit more humor and compassion, let’s do a little reflection exercise:
- Think of a recurring challenge you’ve faced in life (relationships, work, personal growth).
- Reflect on how you’ve approached it in the past and how you’ve grown since then.
- Write down one thing you can do differently next time this issue arises.
- Finally, remember to focus on your strengths—what have you learned, and how can you use that knowledge to keep spiraling upward?