The Power of NO: Embracing Existentialism in a World of Yes-People.
In a society that is all to eager to please, saying “yes” has become a norm. Do you want to come over for dinner? Yes. Do you want to work 20 hours of overtime next week? Yes. Do you want to donate to the starving dogs of the forest? Yes. There are many reasons to agree to any of the examples above. Some of the reasons may be: they actually want to come over for dinner; they think they “should” want to come over because their Mom just had a birthday/operation/bunco win (insert 100 reasons to guilt self); or they think they have to or they will face negative consequences–Their Mom might stop speaking to them if they do not agree to dinner.
Is saying “yes” to every ask simply acting out of fear and conforming to societal expectations?
From an existentialist perspective, the art of saying no is the science of authenticity.
The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
FOMO is a term that gets bandied about a lot. It’s interesting to study the “why” behind saying “yes” to things we do not wish to do. The concept of FOMO is when individuals agree to commitments and obligations out of fear. It could be the fear of missing out on something amazing, the fear of disappointing the person extending the invitation, or the fear of being judged. It’s a fear based response that should be analyzed.
Existentialist thinkers like Jean-Paul Sartre would argue that this fear-driven “yes” denies us the freedom to choose and leads to inauthenticity.
Saying No as an Act of Existential Rebellion
The student of existentialism is urged to embrace individual freedom and take responsibility for the choices they make. When we say “no,” we assert our autonomy and define our own path.
The “act of existential rebellion” isn’t all hyperbole. It sounds dramatic…and it is! Every individual is able to define their own path. Even if it’s as simple as, “Do you want to help with dinner?”…if you do not, in fact, want to help with dinner; just say NO. Like every choice you make, your path may morph… for example now you may have an upset partner to reconcile with, but you get to take all of that into consideration as you intentionally make the choice to spend your time as you desire.
Embracing Authenticity: The Ultimate “Yes” to Yourself
The purpose of this mindset isn’t really about the rejection of a choice. It’s about making the choice. And remembering that for every “no,” there is a “yes.” The example about about watching a movie or helping your partner with dishes is a simple one, but it proves a simple point. You should be following your own path. If there is any reason you do not want to do the dishes at the particular moment asked, you should never say “yes” to your partner out of fear or guilt.
What you say “yes” to every day…what you eat, what you watch, who you interact with…they are all choices that you could have made oppositely, and like the dishes example, chosen actions can shape future states. Being authentic in the present allows the future to unfold as you see it.
You’re tired. You’ve had a horrible day and all you want to do is go home, put on pajama pants and watch asinine TV shows. A friend you haven’t seen in ages just arrived in town a day early and wants you to meet them out. Now…you might want to. If so, do! Go out and have a great time. But if your very sanity depends on Ben and Jerry in your fluffy socks, say no to your friend and say yes to your needs.
The beauty of authenticity…It’s like saying “I do” to yourself over and over.
Practicing the Art of Saying “No”
Every answer to a yes or no question will have an outcome. Existentialism challenges us to question our automatic response and make an intentional choice. The choice to be made is in effort to secure the best outcome for yourself. It’s a journey toward a life that’s truly our own, free from the constraints of fear and the expectations of others.
You Can Say No
When faced with a decision, remember that you get to choose. Your options may be limited but any decision has at least 2 choices. Making intentional choices is a powerful step towards living an authentic and meaningful existence in a world that seems to demand conformity.