It’s 9 a.m. You just rolled out of bed, hair resembling a bird’s nest, and there’s a coffee stain on your pajama shirt. But while you’re reaching for your caffeine fix, your phone lights up, and there it is—your friend’s immaculate morning routine, perfectly filtered: “Just woke up! #Blessed #Grateful #FitLife.” She’s glowing. There’s no sign of the dark circles under her eyes or the fact that she hit snooze three times. Her kitchen? Spotless. You? Well, you’re still debating if pants are really absolutely necessary today.
Welcome to social media, where everyone’s life looks flawless from the outside. It’s a stage where we perform like it’s opening night at the theater, and the audience is the entire internet. But behind the curtain everyone’s got something. Some people are even just as tired, messy, and insecure as you are.
The trouble is, no one posts that part.
The Psychological Impact of Social Media on Perfectionism: It’s Not Pretty
Let’s cut to the chase—social media is a breeding ground for perfectionism. And it’s not just about having an aesthetically pleasing Instagram grid; it’s about feeling like you’re never quite enough. Thanks to the wonders of social comparison, we look at other people’s seemingly perfect lives and start to question our own. Why don’t I have a house that looks like a cabin on Walden Pond? Should I also be making artisanal sourdough bread from scratch? I hear it’s really good for the gut. Wait—are my pillows really the right boho vibe? Cue the internal, absurd panic.
From a psychological standpoint, it’s no wonder that perfectionism is on the rise. Social media serves up an endless stream of edited, filtered, and curated lives, and we’re left to pick up the pieces of our shattered self-esteem. The more we compare ourselves to others, the more we internalize this message: You’re not good enough, and you should be. And here’s the real kicker—neither is anyone else, but we’re all too busy pretending to notice.
Television has changed dramatically. When I was growing up we were looking to the rich and famous. Now, with genuine people able to connect through virtual platforms, we see a lot of “influencers” who start to morph and adjust into the Hollywood stars of today.
Positive psychology, on the other hand, says we need to shift our focus. Instead of striving for the impossible ideal of perfection (spoiler alert: it doesn’t exist, even Plato says you can’t get to it), we should aim for well-being. Things like self-acceptance, gratitude, and authentic connections are what really make life fulfilling—not getting 200 likes on your latest #Blessed post. But when we live in a world where everyone’s obsessed with the number of followers they have, that message tends to get lost.
Practicing Self-Compassion: Because You’re Not a Robot
So, what’s the antidote to this social media-fueled madness? One word: self-compassion. No, it’s not some fluffy, feel-good mantra reserved for yogis and wellness gurus. It’s about being kind to yourself, especially when the highlight reels of others make you feel like you’re failing at life.
Here’s the deal: you don’t need to have it all together. Nobody has it all together. When you inevitably compare yourself to someone’s perfectly curated life, pause, and remind yourself that you’re human, not a robot. Robots are perfect (allegedly), but they don’t get to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, like a lazy Sunday morning in mismatched socks. Self-compassion is giving yourself a break when you don’t live up to the impossible standards that social media shoves down your throat. And that you are ALLOWING to be shoved done you’re through. You need to establish that you’re life may not be Insta-worthy-perfect but it’s enough.
Practical Tips for Balancing Social Media and Sanity (Hint: It’s Possibly Possible)
Now, before you go swearing off social media forever (tempting, I know), let’s talk about balance. Because, despite its downfalls, social media can be fun. You just have to stop letting it control your life. Here are a few ways to break free from the perfectionism trap while still enjoying a leisurely doom scroll:
- Curate Your Feed for Reality Checks
Stop following people who make you feel like you’re always running behind in the race of life. Seriously. Follow accounts that show the messy, real side of life or that inspire you to be your authentic self. There’s a growing movement of influencers embracing the no-filter reality—because guess what? Perfection is so 1999. Only follow people that add value to your day, even if that’s just that their silliness makes you smile, or their wisdom inspires you to grow in your own life. - Set Boundaries Like a Boss
It’s not just toddlers who need screen time limits. You do, too. Create social media boundaries: no scrolling before bed, no mindless checking during work, and definitely no comparing your real-life self to someone’s edited version of themselves at 3 a.m. You’ve got better things to do—like, you know, live your life. - Social Media Detox (Yes, It’s a Thing)
Remember the last time you went a day without your phone? Neither do I. But it turns out, taking regular breaks from social media can work wonders for your mental health. Try a detox, whether it’s for a day, a week, or just an hour of peace without notifications dinging every five seconds. You might be surprised by how refreshing the real world is without the constant barrage of influencer perfection. - Check Your Feelings at the Door
If scrolling leaves you feeling like garbage, it’s time to reassess. Next time you feel that familiar twinge of inadequacy while browsing your feed, stop and ask yourself: Is this real? Nine times out of ten, it’s not. It’s filtered, edited, and staged, so don’t let it fool you. The only person you need to impress is yourself—and trust me, you’re already doing great. - Be Your Own Hype Person
When the perfectionism monster starts to rear its ugly head, remind yourself that your worth isn’t defined by how your life looks on a screen. You don’t need to perform for the masses. You’re not on stage. You’re not auditioning for “Most Perfect Person Ever.” And if you feel like you are, remember that the role’s already been filled—by nobody.
The Absurdity of Living for Social Media Approval
Now, let’s talk about the absurdity of it all, shall we? The fact that we spend hours editing photos, agonizing over captions, and counting likes is truly peak absurdity. We’re basically performing in a play where everyone’s too busy starring in their own production to pay attention to ours. It’s like everyone’s on stage, and there’s no audience. Yet here we are, furiously typing hashtags like #LivingMyBestLife and waiting for applause that never really comes.
What’s even more ridiculous? We care about approval from people we barely know. Strangers, acquaintances, random influencers with zero actual influence on our real lives. We are performing for the algorithm, people! We’re living our lives in the hopes that a tiny heart icon on a screen will give us the validation we’re craving. But here’s the plot twist: that validation is as empty as the calorie count on a “healthy” cookie. It’s an illusion, a mirage, and—dare I say it—completely pointless.
So, why are we still playing this game? Why are we letting social media tell us what our lives should look like when we could be focusing on what really matters? Spoiler alert: Likes aren’t currency, and followers won’t pay your therapy bill.
Build the Life of Your Dreams (Not Someone Else’s)
At the end of the day, you are the author of your own life, not a bit player in someone else’s perfectly filtered fantasy. Social media may be fun, but it’s not real life. Real life is messy, complicated, and full of imperfections—and that’s what makes it beautiful. It’s time to stop performing for the internet and start living for yourself.
So, the next time you’re about to post something, ask yourself: am I sharing this because it brings me joy, or because I want someone else’s approval? If it’s the latter, consider putting down your phone and doing something that makes you happy. Live the life that feels good from the inside out, not the one that looks good on a tiny screen.
Because, newsflash: you’re already enough. You don’t need to prove it to anyone—not even one single person.